World RPS Society

Check it: Worldwide Governing Body of the Sport of Rock Paper Scissors (worldrps.com).

Looks like it’s a big thing. Weird. Still, this has to be one of the most unintentionally funny sites ever. Check out, for example, their 2002 dedication to the Official Year of the Rock (in particular, check out the last two photo captions within the article).

At first glance, the rules of Rock Paper Scissors seem simple. As you look deeper, however, they’re still pretty simple. Let’s not kid ourselves.

• Rock smashes scissors (rock wins)
• Scissors cut paper (scissors win)
• Paper covers rock (paper wins)
• Flounder slaps penguin (flounder wins … for expert use only)

…Or so I thought. Here is the 3-page How to Play – Quick Start, and the 7-page must read for all aspiring RPS gurus: Advanced RPS tactics.

Check out this excerpt from the World RPS Society, showing just how high-demand of a sport Rock Paper Scissors can really be:

… In other events, Chad Leatherstep (Co-Chair Disciplinary Committee) in his address delivered a landmark speech pledging a crackdown on performance enhancing drugs in professional level play. “It is the worst kept secret that the dressing rooms at many tournaments have become literal ‘hotboxes’ of abuse. We will be targeting specific suspicious players for random drug testing.”

Imagine that. Your friendly, local Rock Paper Scissors tournament, unbeknowest to you, might have become a literal “hotbox” of performance-enhancing drug abuse!

It makes sense in a way, I guess … these people have to be on something potent to be at an RPS tournament in the first place.

Related stuff:

• The cult of roshambo (emf.net) — devoted to the religion of Rock Paper Scissors
• Play Rock Paper Scissors via email (brunching.com)

And here’s some stirring RPS haiku gleaned from the RPS Society’s Bullboard:

Always throw paper.
How can you lose with paper?
Forget scissors, man.

You delayed your prime
Won’t synchronize your rhythm
That’s just dirty play

Paper is the throw
For the narcissistic fool
The masturbator

Few are perfect forms
The rock however is one
Likewise breasts are too